To be more you must first believe that you deserve more.
Let’s pause for a moment then read that statement again. To BE more you must first believe that YOU DESERVE more.
Have you every taken the time to audit your thoughts on what you deserve? At work, at home, in a relationship, in a friendship, in life? Until recently I never gave this more than a fleeting thought but as I’ve been reflecting on my life experiences over the past few years and thinking about how I want to live going forward I’ve had to confront my beliefs about myself, my abilities and the things I think I deserve. Ultimately I’ve had to ask myself the question; are the things I want and the things I think I deserve one and the same? Unfortunately, the truest, most authentic answer to that question was no.
We live our lives with a plethora of beliefs that have been molded and shaped by our life experiences, especially in childhood. And while these beliefs are often never verbalized they form the undertone of every decision we make and nurse the fears that tend to keep us trapped in an endless cycle of struggle. I will share with you two limiting beliefs that I am working on deleting from my life; the first is that you must work hard for money and the second is that some people (people like me) were not destined to be rich. I was forced to admit to myself that I believe these things as I was struggling to write a 5-year plan for my life about a week ago.
I started off great and managed to write out a few pic picture goals that have been resting on my heart. Immediately thereafter I started breaking these down into smaller milestones and tasks. You see I pride myself on being a planner so I’m all about breaking everything down and creating an action plan. But soon after I started I got stuck and despite my best efforts I simply could not go on. It was easy writing all these big ideas down but when it came time to delve deeply into what I would need to do, how much money I would need to earn/save/spend/invest and ultimately who I would need to BE to achieve these goals I choked up.
So I paused the 5-year plan, gave myself a new project to focus on and moved on. If I was sufficiently distracted this wouldn’t matter anymore and I wouldn’t think about it again until maybe the end of December when I would pick it back up in a panic as the realization that this year and by extension this decade are coming to an end.
But the universe had another idea. Over the course of two days the Universe gave me three gentle nudges that forced me to examine these two limiting beliefs and revisit my 5-year plan with a new appreciation and vision.
Nudge #1 – Trying to keep up with my reading goal for the year I was buried in John Acuff’s Finish and enjoying every minute of it. As a chronic starter I took up this book to see if I could learn a thing or two about finishing some of the projects that I’ve put on pause to revisit later
(5-year plan for example).Chapter 6 of this book zones in on getting rid of the secret rules that guide your life and as I read it I couldn’t help but wonder if Acuff secretly knows me as he could’ve been writing a manuscript about me!
He uses one particular example that resonated with me; if you grew up hearing that rich people are evil; you will subconsciously live your life with this belief resulting in you feeling shame instead of joy about your own success and you will subconsciously self-sabotage as you try to stay away from becoming rich in an effort to remain “good”. As I read this chapter I kept thinking of my lifelong belief that persons with some of the most powerful stories in this world went through some unbearable struggles to get there. Deep down somewhere I believed that in order for ordinary people to be successful they had to go through these struggles, in my mind all other rich/successful people were either born with it or made it in some unscrupulous way. And since I was not born with it and I refuse to compromise my values clearly my success had to come through some struggles.
Nudge #2 – I went on YouTube as I usually do to watch some random motivational videos. Yes, sometimes I have to psych myself up to get through the day! Anyway, the video I landed on was of Lisa Nichols telling her story about how she hit rock bottom and bounced back from that. I thought to myself, I’m not at rock bottom I’m doing alright actually but I kept listening none the less as her story is one of those powerful struggle filled stories I mentioned earlier. But then Lisa started talking about transforming our lives by correcting the lies we have been telling ourselves about ourselves. As Lisa spoke about one particular lie she used to tell herself; I paused the video and sat up in my chair because I felt like she was talking directly to me. The lie she said, is that you have to work had for money.
Just moments before I had been thinking about how hard I work and how hard I’ve always worked. I’m doing ok but I work very hard between the day job and the online virtual assistant gigs and now the part time business I’m starting; hard work is my way of life. Lisa went on to talk about teaching herself that if you set it right, you don’t have to always work hard, in fact your money can work for you while you sleep or vacation or just take a break to be a bum for a day. I got out a Post It note, made a quick jotting then allowed the video to continue playing.
“I do not have to work so hard for money if I set things right! But what are these things do I need to set?”
Nudge #3 – I’m a sucker for motivational quotes and sometimes I randomly google motivational quote to see what famous person had something to say regarding whatever it is that may be on my mind at the moment. The morning after I watched the Lisa Nichols video I asked the good and faithful Google for quotes about beliefs and achievement and google shot back at me with the words of James R. Bell. “We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.”
Ok Universe, I hear you.
That morning I spent more than two hours of my work day just writing and I finally made some real progress with my 5-year plan and got some much needed clarity through that writing session. I recently started a part-time business and although I’m in it, I was not 100 percent in. This business has the potential to make me stratospherically successful, but I was doubting myself and doubting the business. Did I deserve this potential success? Maybe I didn’t think that I did.
You see, until now I have never imagined myself as a business owner. I grew up in humble circumstances in rural St. Ann, Jamaica. My goal was always to make it out and as far as I knew making it out meant getting good grades in school, going to university then finding a good job. And I’ve done all that so by this standard I had already achieved everything I had set out to achieve in my life. Imagine that… It’s no wonder I was not able to complete my 5-year plan. What was I planning for when I was already living at the summit of my limited imagination?
So that morning as I wrote I decided to do a few things. First I decided to forgive myself for the limiting beliefs that I have been holding on to. Then I gave myself permission let go of these things and be open to dreaming new dreams, believing new ideals and setting new goals. And as I dream my new dreams I will daily affirm that I deserve every good thing that is coming my way.
Like Tony Robbins says “The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself” so it’s time I start telling myself and the world some new stories. Stories of who and what I am, stories of what I will BE in this this world and all the beautiful blessings that I so richly DESERVE!
It’s been six months since I’ve been living in Canada.
Six months since I packed up everything that had been familiar to me, said my farewell and moved to a country that I had never even visited before.
It may sound crazy but the move was years in the making and I was being welcomed at the airport by my lovely husband so there was no need to give it a second thought.
This was the beginning of the rest of my life and I was anxiously excited to get it going.
When I think back at the past 6 months I can hardly believe so much time has past. I feel like the time is just flying by. I’ve settled into my new home and I was fortunate enough to get a job within a month of landing. All things considered life has been good to me and I am happy but I’d be lying if I said I’m not homesick.
My new life, as much as I love it, has been a major adjustment for me in every single way. Back in Jamaica I lived alone in my own house, now I live with a husband and our rent is 4 times what I use to pay for my mortgage (the cost of housing here is ridiculous!). Now I have to make considerations not just for me but for him and for us as we learn to accommodate each other in what was previously his space.
Back in Jamaica I had the liberty to just stop by my mom if I didn’t want to cook and there would always be food, now there’s no mommy around and I can’t just feed my husband cereal 5 days in a row because I’m too lazy. so my chef skills are certainly improving!
I was a boss at my previous job! I say this with as much humility that I can muster. I loved what I did for a living and the opportunity it gave me to teach and mold some of the best minds in entertainment and experiential marketing in Jamaica, here I’ve been fortunate enough to find a job in my field but I am starting from scratch… here I have to convince people I have the skills I spent 7 years honing!
But the greatest adjustment of all for me has been highly personal. Back home I felt like I knew who I was. Here I spend my days trying to figure out who I am becoming. How do I let go of things I once believed and things I once loved and open my heart and my mind to becoming someone new without feeling like I’m losing the very essence of my being?
That question weighs heavily on my heart and I am yet to find the answer.
Is there a quote that brings you comfort and calms you down when things seem weary?
For me that quote comes from the Bible – Jeremiah 29:11!
I learnt this verse in first form at boarding school and I’ve taken comfort in it ever since. Life hasn’t always been easy for me and I’ve had to overcome several challenges to get to where I am today, but every time I got caught up in asking God why me I’ve dug deep and leaned on Jeremiah 29:11 to pull myself out of the slump.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “
Today I want to encourage you to think about those words carefully! No matter what may be happening right now, God has plans to prosper you, and to give you hope.
Hope is one of the greatest things you can have as it gives you the ability to see possible good in future events, even if they are potentially negative. This ability gives you that extra push to get up in the mornings and go face the world. Think about it… If you have hope, you have everything you need to keep dreaming.
Did you realize that 5 months of 2019 have come and gone? Were you ready for June? Well whether or not you are June is here and you need to make it count.
As you go through the final days of the first half of the year commit to making them count. Take a look back at the goals you had so excitedly set back in January and do some honest stock taking.
Be open and honest with yourself as you evaluate your progress (or lack thereof) then spend some time and outline what you can do over the next 30 days to move those goals so much further along.
There is so much you can achieve if you just put some effort into it.
The challenge is… you think you have time.
While doing some research today I came across Danny Dover and his story is nothing short of inspiring. In 2010 he created a lost of more than 150 life goals and set a deadline of May 25, 2017 to achieving them. He tattooed his deadline on his butt and set out to achieve his goals.
Danny documented his adventures and shares them with the world over at https://www.lifelisted.com/
Now Danny in his bid to give back creates a monthly life list that he shares with his community and I’m adopting the list for October. It doesn’t hurt that his list is Fun, Free and Local; three things that I love 🙂
Danny’s list has a deadline of October 31st and include the following;
- Walk on a street that you have never been on before
- Drink only water for one day (food is okay)
- Be extra kind to someone
- Give a firm handshake
- Look someone in the eyes when talking to them
- Listen to falling water (pour it if you have to)
- Take a moment to laugh about nothing
- Kiss someone
- Spent five extra minutes grooming yourself
- Stop what you are doing and smell flowers
Seems easy enough so let’s go.
Today I’m starting a dream list… A list of things I dream of doing, places I dream of going and people I dream of meeting!
For years I’ve thought about my bucket list and all the things I want to do in this world, but I’ve never been able to put together an actual list together. Maybe because I’m the queen of procrastination or maybe because subconsciously I have a problem with making a list of things to do before I “kick the bucket”. The list for me has a sense of finality, like once I’ve done these things then that will be it for me, but while sitting in this quiet apartment in Queens, NY trying to figure out what my first post on this new website should be it hit me… Why not make a dream list? Being here in this moment is something I’ve dreamt about for years and here I am.
So… Let’s Keep Dreaming.
My Dream List
- Visit Every parish in Jamaica
- Visit every continent
- Visit New York (USA) (Oct. 4-14, 2018)
- Learn to Swim
- Do the jump at Rick’s Café (Jamaica)
- Visit Curacao
- Visit Toronto
- Visit Panama
- Go on a cruise with my girls
- Go on a cruise with my family
- Become a published author
- Run a successful website with over 100K readers/followers
- Be on the Ellen Show
We’ll check things off this list as I achieve them so stay with me on my journey as I keep dreaming.